If your an Arsenal fan looking to buy an Arsenal video on the internet, what web address to you type in? You'd think that www.arsenalvideo.com would be a good bet - well you would be wrong.

What comes up is an adult's only site which features such chiselled studs as Eric Hanson showing off their assets. Not surprisingly an Arsenal spokesman said: " This has nothing to do with us. Anyone who wants official Arsenal news should visit www.arsenal.com". All you Gunners hunting for football videos have been warned.

Atletico Madrid president Jesus Gil is facing charges of spending $800,000 of the club's money on women's underwear. Other items Gil placed on his expenses list were baby clothes, perfume and kitchen accessories.

Gil said: "No one told me there was a prohibition on panties and bras." He claims they were all gifts for visiting officials, but whatever their purpose you will not be surprised to find out that the club is in administration.

There are three footballers, David Beckham, Darren Anderton and Ray Parlour. They all went to church one Sunday to repent their sins.

David Beckham says "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I kicked out at another human being in anger during an important match and I play for a really shit team." Beckham duly pours holy water over himself.

Darren Anderton steps up, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. Ray Parlour should have had my place during France '98. as I didn't deserve a place and I play for a really sh*t team." Anderton then drinks the Holy Water.

Up comes Ray Parlour, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I p*ssed in the Holy Water earlier on this morning when I couldn't find the toilet!"

Four surgeons are having a coffee break. The first one says "I like operating on accountants best because everything inside is numbered."
The second one says "Nah, I like librarians. Everything inside them is always in alphabetical order."
Third one says "Electricians, they're the best. Everything in them is colour coded."
The fourth one says "I prefer Tottenham fans. They're gutless, heartless, spineless, and their heads and backsides are interchangeable."

A man desperate at his plight decides to top himself. In his living room, alone, he prepares to hang himself.
At the very last moment, he decides to wear his Man United replica kit as he departs this life. When he is found the next day, the police quickly remove the Man United kit and dress the man in stockings and suspenders.
One young PC, totally confused, asks why. His sergeant replies: "It's to avoid embarrassing his family."

Two Dinamo Bucharest players were in hospital last night after being brutally beaten by policemen who had been assigned to protect them.
Police were called as fans became angry when Bucharest lost 3-2 to Petrolul Ploiesti. But officers turned on goalkeeper Valentin Lipitor and midfielder Razvan Dumitrescu instead.

What do you call a Leeds supporter with lots of girlfriends?
A sheppard.

Whats the difference between a broken clock and a Liverpool fan?
Even a broken clock is right twice a day

Whats the difference between Liverpool fans and yogurt?
Even Yogurt has culture

Well, all credit to the lads...

Well, at the end of the day...

Well, over the full ninety minutes.

Well, it was all there to play for.

we’ve done our talking where it counts, on the pitch.

You don’t win the raffle if you don’t buy a ticket.

He’s covered every blade of grass on the pitch.

It’s a little bit of handbags at ten paces, nothing more.

They’ve set their stall out early doors.

The lads have given it 110%.

You make your own luck in this game.

There’s no prizes for runners-up in football.

You can’t question the player’s commitment.

That leaves us with a mountain to climb.

The young lad has said "thank you very much".

You can’t ask for anymore than that.

We’ll just take each game as it comes.

To be honest, I don’t think it’s really sunk in yet.

Many faces within football have been paying tribute to Sir Stanley Matthews;

Kevin Keegan said he was "a legend"
George Best described his talent as "sublime"
Bobby Charlton called him "a Brazilian in an England shirt"
Gary Lineker was quoted as saying "he was the last great gentleman of the game"
David Beckham said "Its a real shame. Posh and I loved his Turkey Drummers. They're bootiful"

Paul Jewell was driving down the motorway one day when he is pulled over by the police. He is obviously a bit worried as the policeman walks up to the drivers side and asks him to get out of the car.

The policeman looks at him rather critically and says, "I'm sorry sir, but you have been driving erratically and I am afraid that I am going to have to ask you to take a breath test."

At this, Paul Jewell rummages around inside his coat and pulls out a card which states "Paul Jewell, Registered asthmatic - do not breathalise."

"In that case" states the policeman, "I'm afraid you are going to have to come down the station for a blood test." Paul promptly rummages around inside his coat again and pulls out another card. This time it states "Paul Jewell, registered haemophiliac - do not take blood tests."

The policeman, getting a bit irritated at this point, follows up by saying, "Very well sir, if that is the case I am going to have to ask for a urine sample." At this, he rummages around a bit more and pulls out a card which states "Paul Jewell, Sheffield Wednesday Manager - DON'T TAKE THE P**S"